what the heart wants

Me and My Blue Monster

Written by Leslie Coff, artist, writer, and friend of Look For The Woman. 

 

I try to be conservative in my dress. I do.

After having lived many years in the land of self-expression – and many other years in the American South, which is all about big florals and bright colors…and big big big…

I am now in the land of the lumberjack. Plaid plaid plaid. And flannel. And North Face. And low-key.

I have tried to fit in. I have done my best… Seriously.

But you know how life is. The heart wants what the heart wants.

I fell in love with a monster. A big blue one. And he’s absolutely gorgeous.

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I cannot help myself. It isn’t just his large, expressive eyes, his carefully whitened teeth and soft blue lips.

It is his fur.  

Yes, I have heard that fur is all the rage.

Beautiful exciting furs in crayon colors.

But you know…I am no spring chicken.

I am an autumn chicken. I am a fine wine, slightly oakey with a bit of spice.

I am a rosé.  

Wait – I am a cobalt bottle sake.

Heck, I am a full-out Dolcetto.  

Yummy.

And not too old to have fun.

Because…you know….Iris Apfel.

 

Sure, judge me if you must.  

Tell me that I am too old…that it is too crazy…that blue fur is just not my thing.

But I promise…you cannot judge me more harshly than I judge myself.

From my circle:

Rachel said, “you are an artist…you can totally rock it!”

Isabel said, “OMG – really? –and of course Rachel would think you could rock it.”

My mom said, “It’s cute, honey. Can you wear that color? Bring it when you come to LA!”

Carrie said, “Absolutely yes…and can I borrow it?”

Aharon said, “Absolutely no…too ‘over the top’.”

 

But you know, Aharon only wears black suits and white shirts so maybe he doesn’t get an opinion.

 

But my blue monster makes me happy.  

And yes I will be weird.

And yes I will stick out.  

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(Sixteen years ago, in Atlanta, I had a stylist.

 He told me that I had to wear bright and fun things…that the dark and tailored lines I chose did not suit me.  

 

Instead of following his advice, I started wearing only ivory. He told me…”where are your colors?”  

I told him – I cannot wear anything bright because then I will stick out.”

“Honey,” he said to me, “ you already stick out.”)

 

So now I out myself.

Here is the blue fur.

How will I wear it?

 

Long black turtleneck dress…blank canvas.    Boots.   Long gold locket.

Boom.

 

Black turtleneck, black skinny jeans…coated or distressed. Charcoal velvet lace-up combat boots.

 

In L.A. — graphic tee, distressed jeans and sneakers…

 

And of course, my oversized crossbody flap bag for passport, knitting, ipad, moleskine and…attitude.

 

Here is my big blue point: these days, in our world, frankly, are difficult.  

I am too old to bitch about it.  

But I am not too old to need comfort.

The blue monster brings me comfort.  

This is my fifty-five year old fuzzy.

 

Cerulean self-soothing.

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Sure, go ahead and judge me.  

But I will be the one with the smile on my face.

 

The Blue Monster is from Diane Von Furstenberg.

Anita

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