lose one, gain two

This is dedicated to my friend, Esther Zimmer.


Lose One, Gain Two

Every time I post a more “risqué” post, if you can call it that, I have someone unfollow me. It’s guaranteed, it happens. Usually though, on the same day, I get two new followers. So far, so good.

Thus far risqué means something about sexuality, liberal politics, or androgyny. Go figure.

Now, bloggers who want followers, (everybody!) are supposed to write for their audience, their “tribe.” Lots of bloggers even do surveys asking their followers specifically what kinds of posts they’d like to see: more fashion, less travel, personal stories? I’ve always been reluctant to do that, and I don’t think I ever will. 

It’s not that I don’t want to please you, my readers. I do!

However, my blog is largely about my taste, my politics, my beliefs, and my aesthetic. And I do believe that my tribe, women with a similar aesthetic is out there, and craving what I want to give.

It’s not like I don’t want more followers, and more opportunities to “monetize” this blog/zine. But I refuse to shill for inferior brands, or narrow-minded interests parading as “niches.” 

I don’t care if you’re a lesbian, a housewife, depressed, plus size, or anorexic. Just please don’t wear Crocs for anything other than gardening!

This musing here, has come about because I recently realized that I did not belong to a tribe I was reluctantly “traipsing around” in on Facebook.

It was one of those Aha! moments, when I realized they don’t really like me, and I don’t really like them. And that’s ok.

I’ve been contemplating quitting this particular group for months, but I guess a part of me did want to be liked by them. I have to admit that I too am caught up in the “hit the like button” culture. The more likes the merrier?

Wrong. That’s a very bad and dangerous thing, this polarization on one hand, and the wanting to be liked by everybody on the other. And that, in and of itself is extreme.

The thing that I have always thought was really important in life, the ability to be discerning, seems to me, to be slipping away.

But the reason for both all this “likey-likey” and the extreme positions, is logical. The times, in so many ways are extreme: extreme politics, extreme climate change, extreme polarization!

So to soothe our battered hearts and minds, we need each possible like we can get.  

It’s ok if we treat this phenomenon like the game it is, but I have to tell you that I felt a great deal of relief, when I realized I don’t care if I’m liked. I just want to be myself, like it or not. 


M.Gemi is taking $50 a pair off their shoes and boots until 11/12. 


So if you have a chauffeur, and you can manage to get to the curb in these, get these!


If you drive yourself, get these.




  • Oh, I hear ya. I count and then when I get a unLike or a unfollower I think about what they didn’t like. And the thing is that regardless of what we’re doing or writing we want those who follow to WANT to read we’ve got. And I guess if we, and I mean me, try to appeal to the mass market then we lose the very thing that makes us appealing.
    As for that group–is the extra visibility paying off? Do you, I’m in the same group, or I feel it’s worth the effort?
    I love what you share, and not everything is for me but that doesn’t mean I don’t get to broaden my perspective.

  • Brikka says:

    I don’t blog, but I read a lot of them. And if everyone wrote only what they thought their followers wanted to read, there’d be even more sameness out there than there already is.

    Seems to me as though idiosyncratic takes on the world are the point. If someone doesn’t like what they’re reading there are a million other places they can go.

  • Mary B. says:

    Very glad I follow you and your thoughtful and inclusive blog!

  • Melanie says:

    I need a chauffeur so I can get those boots!

    I think the thumbs-down button is a negative force and I marvel that it was included in social media in the first place. If we don’t like something, we should just leave.

  • It’s Friday night in London and I’m catching up on my favourite blogs (yours first, of course!) whilst I wait for dinner to cook. I’ve been looking forward to a leisurely peruse through LFTW, but I did have to look twice when I saw my name at the top of this post! I’m not sure why I’ve been bestowed the honour of a dedication, but thank you. And I love everything you wrote. For what it’s worth, I like you, a lot. Esther xx

    • Anita Irlen says:

      You have always challenged me to be more honest in my writing. And even though I don’t think this piece was necessarily honest in the way you are, it was inspired by you! xx P.S. You’re much nicer than I am…xxx

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