look for the woman

“One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.”
― Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex


Behold the selfie. The lighting is terrible, I chop off the top of my head, I have a wooden bowl full of socks and stuff in the picture, I don’t center things correctly, and can I just say, the makeup is unjust. Sometimes, over these past few blogging years, I have doubted the wisdom of the blog’s name.

People still think it’s a dating site, I get friend requests from various odd men from far flung locations, and I get subscribed to by some shady characters. 

Nevertheless, I’m still looking for the woman and the name seems more appropriate than ever. I, like many of you, am looking for women leaders, the ones in the crowd that speak truth to power. I’m looking for women I can collaborate with on professional and personal projects to remain relevant. 

 I’m looking for the strength in myself to let go when I need to, to resist when I have to.

black hat

The good news is that, though it’s hard, I’m finding those things.

Who hasn’t felt the need to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers lately? 

I’m finding the woman in celebrities like Ashley Judd and Elizabeth Warren. I’m finding camaraderie with the woman on social media and friends who write late-night emails to ask, “Was I right?” And I recently found the woman in a young entrepreneur with whom I’m going to start collaborating.     

I’m also finding the woman in the mirror, the one with more strength than I once imagined. That’s where the mirror comes in. For all of the weird, self-defeating, unproductive, and narcissistic aspects of the fake selflove that are selfies, I’ve found the whole process to be both therapeutic and grounding.

I’ve found that the woman is always in the making.


I also get to monkey around with fashion. These examples of urban guerrilla wear remind me that no matter how crazy things get I can express myself in many ways. With my clothes I can say I’m kinda tough. I can say I like a bit of androgyny, torn up jeans, and wooden bowls. 

black hat2

Look for the woman…






  • Haralee says:

    I love that your selfies are great because they are real! Not staged to rival a photographer but real!

  • YES! I loved reading this! I am the woman! You are the woman! So happy to be in this community – thanks for fighting the good fight!

  • Shybiker says:

    Anita, how is it I didn’t know you have a blog? I regret the time I’ve missed reading it. I’ll make up for that by going through your past posts today.

    I’m thrilled to see your political engagement. We’re at a very special point in time when bad things are motivating large numbers of women to pay attention to and care about political issues. I’ve wished for that for decades.

    And, btw, there’s nothing wrong with a wooden bowl in your picture! I have a similar one, filled with baseballs instead of socks. 🙂

    • Anita Irlen says:

      Ralph, Yep, mutual admiration… I too have been waiting for women to take the lead, women and the men who support them and understand what’s what. Time for a change of regime. Well, you found me and I’m so glad you did, this is what it’s all about. But I guess I need to be more prolific and proactive 🙂 I do, I do. Cheers. xx

  • Esther Zimmer says:

    Anita, you look fabulous! And I love that you have a wooden bowl full of socks. xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *