accept yourself, respect yourself



Dr. Margaret Rutherford remarks on Walker Thornton’s thoughts

“I love hearing Walker’s point about feeling more sexy at 63 than ever before. From a psychological perspective, I would bet that increased sexuality is connected with our self-acceptance increasing in general with age. Whatever shame we’ve carried around for years, or if we’ve had the tendency to beat up on ourselves on a regular basis — research would reflect that many of us decide we’re not so bad after all. That acceptance may go hand in hand with allowing vulnerability to be known, as well as to let your self-confidence glow. As a result? More meaningful and spontaneous sex.”

Walker Thornton

You asked me yesterday: What was that dance between Sarandon and Crystal? Were they acting out their “destiny,” or defying convention?

I agree with your earlier statement about destiny and biological imperatives. BUT, I think we often use that as an excuse for bad behavior.

Some version of “boys will be boys.”

I had a man excuse his behavior once by talking about destiny and biology–and what they’re really doing is dismissing the impact of their behavior, or words, on our self-esteem.

As for Sarandon and Crystal—Billy Crystal did what men have been doing for eons. He saw nothing wrong about talking about her breasts as if they were objects, not part of her body.

By calling them puppies, he did the ‘cute’ thing, which serves to make it less lewd.

Because who doesn’t want to caress a cute little puppy? We’re are lulled into the sweetness, or the humor, and gloss over the inappropriateness of someone publicly commenting on our anatomy. Sure, he’s a comedian and they give themselves license to comment on any and every thing. But men all over the planet feel it’s their right to comment on our breasts. Just as they feel we should be smiling for them.

Defying convention would have been Sarandon calling him out on it.

But she played nice too. Or maybe, given that she’s an actress of a certain age she wanted that kind of attention to help reinforce her sex appeal in a youth-oriented world. It’s hard to know; my guess is that it was fine with her because it got headlines. But as a woman, surely there must be a bit of discomfort at being seen for what one looks like rather than who we are?

And, if we show up in our low-cut tops and reveal our bodies on display we have to be prepared for those men who see it as us giving them permission. Of course, many of them don’t even consider permission necessary.



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